The Aftermath of Birth

After giving birth to this little baby you're kind of shell shocked, but in a good way. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Mike and I just sat there looking at him, marvelling. I mean, there he was... after months and months of speculation. He didn't look like me, didn't look like him... just bits and pieces of familiarity....all unique to him. And you know him yet you don't know him... and he's looking at you just like you're looking at him. I wish I had it all on film, but I know even that wouldn't do it justice.

And on to the glam part.... I don't know what it's like to give birth naturally, so I can only speak from my perspective. But laying in a bed with giant diaper pads wedged between your legs while you're high as a kite on some med that keeps you itching from morphine is... surreal. A few hours after surgery two nurses came in to get me up and cleaned. They had me walk to the bathroom... an amazing adventure on wobbly legs and a swimmy head, um and an open, flowing river of yuck... ew!

Finally you get in there and they have you sit on the toilet to pee in a tub so they can measure your pee output. The clean up is invasive. LOL They give you a bottle of water to spray on your hooch while they're busy changing your pads and putting you in net panties. OH, and to say my ass wasn't raw from sitting naked on a bath towel for 4 days straight would be an understatement. The skin hurt so bad! But the only way I could get comfortable was to sit upright, hence all my weight was rested on the top of my butt, and like I said, on a terry cloth towel. Yeah, it causes chaffing and soreness. LOL

At one point when these lovely ladies were cleaning me up I said to them "you can really have no sense of shame and have a baby". Everyone is ALL up in your grill, and by grill I mean crotch. You get sort of used to it from the doctor's appointments leading up to the Event, but still. You seriously can't have any kind of modesty and give birth. And honestly, you just don't even care. Between the ladies cleaning you, the people checking your dilation, the women shaving you up for surgery, the nurse grabbing your boobs to help you nurse... there is simply no subtlety to any of it. You are an "open book", plain and simple.

I probably left the hospital a day too soon, but since I had been there two days before actually giving birth, I was just ready to get the hell out of there with my husband and our new little man. I had to get the MMR vaccine before I left because apparently I wasn't immune to Rubella! Despite the fact that I had been vaccinated as a child. I guess it can wear off or something. But anyway, we rushed to get out of there!

Dirk loves riding in the car. He takes after his momma there, cuz I love it too. That was one thing I always loved about touring... riding around in the van/car sleeping! I can't keep my eyes open in the car for nothing, and Dirk is the same. We got him home and all chaos broke loose. And that is where I'll end for the day!

I wanted to write all this stuff out to those who haven't had a kid as well as my friends who are curious about my experience through all of this. I mean, going into it no one really gives you the whole story. They either make their situation out to be a thousand times worse than it likely was (because to them it truly was that bad, even if it wasn't REALLY that bad) or they blow off anything negative that happened because they only remember the good aspects once they've got their little angel. Your emotions are all over the place! From elation to fear to numbness to frustration and on and on. All over the place. Literally, the only thing that matters is that little guy. People tell you that you don't understand love until you have a child. I always thought that was sort of trite. I understood it, and believed it, but also thought, well, that's unfair to say to people who don't have children. But I have to say, something most definitely changes in you the moment that little baby makes his entrance into the world. Before Dirk I cared so much about everything... like music, writing, food, television, etc. Now? Everything is secondary. If I don't eat today? Oh well. I haven't watched True Blood in two weeks! Do I currently care if I finish my book or ever write another song? Not really.

I know that once we settle into our new life those things will change, but I seriously doubt anything will ever have the impact again that my little Dirk has on us. And not only does your heart expand for your little one, but even my adoration and devotion to Mike has grown exponentially. He has always been everything to me, but now? He's Daddy, and he's my Rock. Even more so than he was before. He's taken care of me for the last nine months and helped me through the most difficult experience I've ever been through. Without his support I would've been terrified. But just having him by my side gave me what I needed to get through without fear. But even our love has changed with the addition of this little guy. It's unexplainable, but tangible. Mike RULES, plain and simple. And all I hope is that Dirk grows up to be like his Dad.

More later.... the next part of the story was the hardest part of all. EMOTIONS!!!