And So It Begins . . . the birthing story

Well, you prepare yourself for roughly nine months. You read, you talk to a lot of people, you picture things in your mind..... and it all goes right out the window the second you start the process of giving birth. (whatever process that is! be it, natural labor, induction, c-section) Seriously you may as well not bother reading anything. There is simply no possible way to wrap your brain around the reality. People tell you things, and yet the words are so insufficient.

And so here I am. Half asleep, (so bear with me) feeling the need to share. I'm a little wonky on the actual timeline because, HELLO, I was trying to birth a baby. So don't be so nit picky about the timelines and whatnot. Anyone who knows me knows I have a terrible sense of time and date anyway. I'm still sort of lost on it all but the actual physical and emotional details.

Last Wednesday August 24th we drove to the hospital to start inducing labor. Everything was surreal, but since I'm good at just shutting off the fear and going through the motions, all was relatively well. I was already having mild contractions when they hooked me up to the monitors. They started off by using some "softening agent" on my cervix. (sexy, no?)   They starting using the Pitocin later. Nothing happened. After hours and hours nothing happened.

Plan B on Thursday evening, try again with different meds. I got terrible cramps and thought "this is going to work!!!". NOPE. Still nothing after hours and hours of pain. Every time they touched my cervix (again, sexy) it was excruciating. At this point it was getting ridiculous. I was miserable and wanting my little Dirk already! It was exhausting, no sleep, I hadn't been able to eat for two days, and strapped to a bed by wires and IVs. Mike was just sitting there watching it all...both of us zombies.

My doctor came in around 7 AM Friday morning to check on my progress... nothing still.... after all that work. So, she decided to break my water and up the Pitocin. OUCH! Let me tell you, getting my water broken was HORRENDOUS. I know it's "not supposed to hurt", but you know what, IT DID. Because my cervix was so raw anything touching it was just beyond painful, so having hands and a giant crochet needle moving around up in there was awful. I will say, once the water gushed out there was a nice warm relief. Though sitting in a bed as water randomly squishes out of you is not pleasant in any way! At one point I stood up and SPLOOSH! All over myself and the floor. Thank God Mike isn't a sissy! Poor thing mopped the floor and helped me get to the bathroom (attached to 4 different wires/tubes and gushing water! JOY!)

The doctor came back at noonish to check on me. Well, no contractions. In fact, less than I had been having prior to water breaking. Dirk just didn't want to leave his little world. She said there were still some things we could try to get the contractions started. At this point I was over it. I just wanted it to be over. She didn't really come out and say the efforts wouldn't work, but you could see it was a "last ditch effort".  As much as I didn't want a c-section, I did want my baby out of me. I was tired of waiting, Tired of being poked and prodded. The idea of even having my cervix checked for dilation was frightening to me. So, it was on. And let me tell you, once they decided the c-section was the way we were going to go, it happened FAST!

They brought Mike his scrubs five minutes after we made the decision and they came in with meds for me to start taking and a hair net. Okay, cramming my hair into a hairnet was a chore in and off itself! LOL My doctor left to prep herself and an anesthesiologist came in to discuss how everything was going to happen. A few minutes later they started wheeling me down to surgery. It was all a blur. I had started having massive chills. I was trembling all over. It was so weird, my limbs would not cooperate! I wasn't outwardly afraid or anything either. It was just one of those "okay, let's just do this" kind of things, so the trembling was weird!

Aaaanyway, so they took me back into the OR, which was cold cold cold and roll me onto this other table, which was a weird sensation. I can't believe how NICE everyone in there was to me. It really made the situation a ton less scary. When it came time to get the epidural the trembling was still in full force. I was sitting on the edge of the table hunched over a pillow as far as I could while a girl stood in front of me with her hands on my knees as she tried getting my mind on something else. Her doing that was of more comfort than I can even explain. It stopped my trembling immediately. The shot in the back hurt, but it was more uncomfortable really than painful. It was weird feeling something in your spine. When she finally hit "the spot" and they laid me back down the warmth that came over my legs was blissful. It was so warm. It felt good. Normally any "weird sensation" freaks me out, but that felt good to me.  They started hanging the curtain up in front of me. The anesthesiologist stood beside me squeezing my hand periodically, something I also took a lot of comfort from. It's weird that a stranger could make you feel safe in a situation like that, but he did. His demeanor was really kind and funny, just what I needed apparently! He said, "She's already started", which was shocking to me because it was all happening so fast! And then Mike was brought back in and he sat beside me. I squeezed his hand the entire time. My doctor told him "Get that camera ready, Mike! I'll let you know when you can stand up". Literally moments later he was given the cue and he was standing up looking over the curtain repeating the mantra "oh my gosh, oh my gosh" calmly but with amazement. Then the final "he is beautiful" was said and I felt the most relief I have probably ever felt.

And thus at 2:51 PM on August 26th little Dirk Alrik VanPortfleet was born!  I will never forget that moment seeing Mike looking at Dirk for the first time. (great, I'm crying thinking about it! HAHA)  And then we heard Dirk cry for the first time. Music to our ears!

They had Mike come over to him and I sat behind the curtain, with a strangers hand in mine, and listened to all the sounds of daddy and Dirk doing whatever all they were doing behind the curtain. I heard all the nurses and my doctor ooing and aahing at how CUTE he was and how perfect his little round head was and jokes of "there was no way that head was coming through your birth canal!" Then Mike brought little Dirk so that I could see him. He was SO cute!!! Perfectly cute! You know, you never know what they're really going to look like and everyone has that fear "what if he looks weird!?" even though it doesn't matter in the grand scheme, there's still always that fear that something will be weird or wrong with him. Nope, Dirk was perfect and cute! then they took a couple pictures of us together and whisked Mike and Dirk off to another room so they could finish up on me.

There was a light right above my head that reflected a perfect view of my open body cavity. I didn't allow myself to look and I think thats a flaw in that room! LOL I doubt they realize the patient can do that. I did look when Dirk was coming out, but it was hard to decipher it all. I felt the tugging and all that, but nothing was unpleasant. There was music playing in the OR and I remember hearing Oasis..that "today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you" song, I think. It was nice hearing stupid "alternative" music in there. LOL The other songs that were played were comparable. I just can't remember now, a little preoccupied you know. They gave me some different types of meds and one of them made me loopy as heck, which really upset me. I don't drink or take drugs because I do NOT like feeling out of my control. I don't like feeling "off" or out of touch with all my faculties. So yeah, I was bummed that I was suddenly so tired I could barely keep my eyes open. I wanted to be alert and fully functioning so I could be totally coherent meeting my little man for the first time. I wanted to experience every second wholly. But it wasn't meant to be that way, I guess.

They finally wheeled me back to post-op where Mike was holding Dirk. It made me so happy he got to hold Dirk even before me. He was the first to bond with Dirk, and that made me very happy. I had Dirk with me for 9 mos and Mike was on the outside, so it made me so happy that he got to hold Dirk first and cuddle him first. We watched a nurse wash Dirk up and dress him. I wish I had her kind of confidence holding babies. The way she slung him around so competently is enviable!  And then we were taken to our room to rest and get to know our little man by ourselves.

This is where I will stop for today. What follows from here will be a little less magical, and a lot more "real"!

;)

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