getting old

I was thinking yesterday about why I was feeling sad because I went back on birth control pills and figured it out. It basically signifies the end of feeling youthful. I mean, I KNOW I'm not "old", but Dirk is the one and only child I will have, and even though I already knew that, going back on the pill puts the final nail in the coffin, which makes me feel old. I'm sure it's the same sort of thing women go through when going through menopause. It also means I will definitely not be breastfeeding anymore, and that makes me sad too.  Even though I was only able to feed him once a day, it was a very sweet bonding time and that's not going to happen anymore. I'm basically a big ball of thinking too much about things that are sad and I need to knock it off. I swear I AM happy too, I just use this blog as a way to vent or something and everything has been so stressful since the day we came home from the hospital. And my mom is leaving Saturday, and that makes me sad too. Mike is only awake about two hours after he gets home from work so we basically never see him. he leaves at 5 AM and we don't see him again until almost 6 PM and then he goes to bed around 8. So, yeah, weirdness. I mean, I've had complete control of my life for the last 20 years, and now nothing is "comfortable" and everything is up in the air. It's just hard to adjust to...and it doesn't help that my body still hurts so bad. I NEED to start lifting weights and exercising, but damn it, I still hurt too bad. UGH